Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
we have officially lost it.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I still have a little drunk in my system
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
