You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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