she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
