Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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