Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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