Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
