I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
