There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
