somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
