I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
