If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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