I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
