My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
