What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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