so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
