Betty ford says i'm here all night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
