what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want her autograph on my taint
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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