Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
