anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
