The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
