I'm really into asian looking animals
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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