Sry I called you an 8
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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