just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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