Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
