On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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