my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just cropdusted the office
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
