Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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