Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
