Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
