i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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