Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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