On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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