they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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