I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
