I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
