Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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