I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
