The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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