The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize