Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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