the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
