i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
