I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
