Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
