Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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