Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
