i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
