I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
