More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
