I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
