The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
