Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
