my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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