Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
