No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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