giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
