you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
