My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
