Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize