Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
These tits shall not be calmed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize