She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
