its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
