i just had sex bonerless
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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