you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
MIDGETS
????
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
