so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
