She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
