Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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