I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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